shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
