I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
