The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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