You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
