just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
