i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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