I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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