Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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