I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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