chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
