I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
