Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
