Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
