don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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