You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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