You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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