not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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