Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
