Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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