i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
