can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
