OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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