Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
