I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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