Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
