im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
