conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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