ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
