Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
