Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
