I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
