the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
