hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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