In the future we'll all be gay
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
