We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
