I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
