I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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