you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's always time for handjobs
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
