During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
