Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
its liver damage thursday
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