peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
