I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
