Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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