this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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