I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize