Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
