Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
