I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
