I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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