i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she peed on how many people?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
