yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I love you. Go after that dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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