in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sober January is a disaster.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
