The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
