I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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