girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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