I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
