tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
