The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
