just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
