I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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