I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize