tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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