i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
