i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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