his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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