I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
