He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
