The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
