I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
