I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
