I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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