Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
