I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
