My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
