Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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