i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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