I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
