Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
