dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
