He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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