And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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