I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
