i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
